In any marriage, it’s inevitable that we finally realize we are not perfect. Yet, we still expect our spouses to be. Are your buttons being pushed?
Because most of the time, if we are irritated by what is said, there is usually some truth hidden within. But who wants to be told about what they lack?
No one does.
I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly okay telling someone else what they lack. But for me, who really wants to be told that sort of thing?
Again– No one!
As much as you think you do what’s best, it’s easy to come from it at the wrong angle. Have you ever tried to use a small screw in a large hole? There’s no support. Whatever it’s supposed to be holding together just wobbles.
But I get it. Often, it can be challenging to respond with love and understanding when faced with a situation that triggers you.
However, you don’t have to settle for less than. Your marriage deserves to be fulfilling both for you and your spouse.
So you gotta come close. You have gotta anchor to what matters and find the wisdom that can lead to a marriage filled with grace, love, affection, forgiveness, and genuine trust.
Prioritize unconditional love over lamenting your spouse’s shortcomings.
THE K.I.S.S. — Prioritize unconditional love over lamenting your spouse’s shortcomings.
What you focus on becomes clearer. If you are one who dives into the muck and yuck, and you hang out with drama, what do you think you will see?
Instead, prioritize who God wants you to become, and then you will be an asset in your marriage.
You have got to escape the magnetic pull of focusing only on the negative. Because what you water, it will grow.
So what does it look like to prioritize unconditional love over lamenting your spouse’s shortcomings?
1. Practice Empathy:
One of the fundamental teachings of the Bible is empathy, the act of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Empathy allows us to understand our spouse’s perspective, even when their actions might frustrate or hurt us.
In Ephesians 4:32, the apostle Paul reminds us, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
When you practice empathy, you can cultivate a spirit of compassion, forgiveness, and understanding toward your spouse.
Examples:
– Maybe your spouse comes in and complains about why dinner isn’t ready. Instead of reacting defensively to what you perceive as a criticism or complaint from your spouse, take a moment to reflect on what might be behind their words. Seek to understand their underlying emotions or concerns. Your spouse may genuinely have a concern about you and wants to help you, but doesn’t know how to express it in the manner that you will receive emotionally, not as a threat.
– When your spouse is struggling or going through a difficult period, offer your support and encouragement, even if their behavior feels challenging. Show them that you are there for them, validating their feelings and helping them find solutions.
2. Cultivate a Spirit of Gratitude:
It’s natural for us to focus on our spouse’s limitations or the areas where they fall short. However, dwelling on their flaws often hinders our ability to love them unconditionally.
In Philippians 4:8, the apostle Paul encourages us to focus on what is praiseworthy and worthy of gratitude: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Don’t lead with the junk, ’cause that’s all that will come out!
So how can you cultivate a spirit of gratitude when all you hear is the junk?
Examples:
– Start a gratitude journal specifically dedicated to noting the positive qualities and actions your spouse exhibits each day. This practice will shift your focus toward their strengths and remind you of the reasons you fell in love with them.
– Regularly express your appreciation for your spouse’s efforts, no matter how small they may seem. Whether it’s through a simple “thank you” or a heartfelt note, acknowledging their contributions can foster an atmosphere of love and encouragement.
And who doesn’t need a little love and encouragement?
3. Prioritize Effective Communication:
Proper communication is vital for any healthy relationship. When our buttons get pushed, it’s important to respond thoughtfully and respectfully instead of reacting impulsively.
In Proverbs 15:1, Solomon wisely states, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Where do you fall short in this area? I want you to be specific.
So when your buttons get pushed…..
Examples:
– Take a deep breath and count to ten before responding to a situation that has triggered you emotionally. This pause will give you the chance to choose your words wisely with a calm and measured approach.
– Practice active listening by providing your spouse with your undivided attention, maintaining eye contact, and asking open-ended questions to deepen your understanding. By fostering open and empathetic communication, you can seek resolution and strengthen your bond.
You can navigate the challenges that arise when your buttons get pushed by your spouse.
Practicing empathy, cultivating gratitude, and prioritizing effective communication provide a solid foundation for responding with grace and love.
It’s not going to be easy to do this and live by these principles. But practice creates progress.
Your marriage is worth the effort. You are worth the effort. Don’t give into the junk in the trunk, hang out with the love that comes from above.
Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!
**Links Mentioned:**
– [Ephesians 4:32](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians%204%3A32&version=NIV)
– [Philippians 4:8](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204%3A8&version=NIV)
– [Proverbs 15:1](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+15%3A1&version=NIV)
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
Photo by Canva.com
Music by Mandisa – Overcomer
http://www.mandisaofficial.com
Song ID: 68209
Song Title: Overcomer
Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia
Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI)
One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music –
Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.
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